Another Day

Husband is on long hours today which is good as it will help us save for round two but bad cause I miss him. He's my best friend, love of my life, the only one (besides God and of course my Mom) that really gets me and loves me no matter what. Many people didn't think we should get married, they where against us even dating. We'd get comments that we are oil and water, or our age difference was too great etc. I am glad we didn't listen to them. Has our relationship these past 16 years been all roses, of course not, but then what is. If it is something you really want you work at it, you care for it, you love it in the good and bad, and you never give up. I don't know where I would be today if it wasn't for my wonderful husband and his love. I am so thankful God brought us together. This journey through infertility has been hard but we have not let it tear us apart instead it has brought us closer together and made us only stronger. When friends and family fail us, hurt us with their comments, we both know at least we have each other and that is all that matters. 

Life has it's up and down moments for me this week - I watched this baby happen from the start, I got updates on how they where growing, I saw their pictures, I watched them go into my womb, I felt the baby implant on day 3 and I felt it die and am watching it leave me now. Some may say it wasn't a life but to me it was very much a life, very much part of me, a real child my husband and I talked to and prayed for and are grieving the loss of. There is so many others that go through this each year sometimes several times in a year. It is heart breaking when you hear their stories. God knows what I can handle, he has given me the strength to go through this hard time, I am sad but hopeful for the future.

A little nervous about round two of IVF. I started in on birth control again two days ago since AF arrived but started to have really bad side effects, sever headache, flushed face, sick to my stomach. Thought that since this was a different kind of bc that I would be ok this time. Not so sure about that now. I don't want to end up in the ER again. E-mailed my Dr. tonight to find out if I have any other options. I really think my body is allergic to all birth control from the way I am feeling. I hope they will have other options so we can still do a round two.

HAVE HOPE IN YOUR HEART!!! 

"God did not create you to fail. Sometimes things may not work out the way you want (but maybe they will) and you will go through some disappointments. But, all of these things help to guide you in the direction that God meant for you. Your life has purpose and significance. Be patient if things aren't crystal clear just yet. For now, just know God created you and He did not create you to fail." ~S.McBeth

Scripture from my devotions today: When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions; wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full in the face. The "worst" is never the worst.~Lam.3:26-30