While I wait ...

Sharing some verses and songs God has shown me in my devotions while waiting for this new apt.

John 14:27  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Philippians 4:8  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

 Proverbs 16:3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

A MUST read book!

So I have been reading "Is Your Body Baby Friendly? by Dr. Beers". It's all about immunology issues and effect on infertility, mc and your health. It was recommend to read before I go see the RI (reproductive immunologist) so I can understand more of what she is testing for and talking about during our consult.

Last night I was reading the part about PCOS and was fascinated by what he said about it. He talked how most RE's will treat the hormonal component of PCOS but there is still a immune issue of PCOS that is not treated by just a RE. That he feels that PCOS is closely related to Diabetes and maybe just another form of it. Right now I am already on the metformin so that is a good thing to help treat the disease. He then went on to talk about serotonin levels and their effect on infertility and link to Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia (of which I suffer from) and even how low serotonin levels contribute to weight gain and if you can raise those levels it will help with weight loss, and also reduce pain which is why antidepressants help those with Fibro. Lack of serotonin also can cause issues with blood flow to the uterous is not relaxed enough to pass nutrients properly through the placenta to the baby. From my understanding all this maybe a result of NK cells being overactive too.

 Lots of info in there all relative to me and so many other woman dealing with failed IVF cycles, mc loss etc. The biggest thing is the health effects and how doing this immune testing should not only show things about infertility but give me clues on my health and treatment for it.

Anyway it's a good book would recommend it to anyone dealing with Infertility. I am looking forward to meeting with this RI in Feb. I think this testing will bring me much needed answers, maybe even a healthier me and prayerfully help me become a mom too. If you want to order your own copy I have a link to it on amazon above in my suggested resources.

 

Infertility

I read this the other day and thought I would share:

Reproduction is a bodily function. We take it for granted that our bodies will work correctly.
That eggs are released and tubes are open.
That sperm come in enough number that at some point in the tube the sperm and egg meet.
Then the embryo moves from the tube to the uterus where it implants and gets cozy for about nine months and VOILA you have a baby in your arms.

Except when it doesn’t happen that way.
When ovaries don’t give up eggs or sperm don’t move like they should or come at all.
When tubes are blocked or embryos get cozy there where they can’t live for 9 months.
Maybe the baby makes it to the uterus, but the womb isn’t shaped right or fluffy enough so baby can’t get cozy.
Maybe the baby implants, but hormone levels don’t stay right or blood clots when it shouldn’t or maybe just maybe your cervix can’t hold a baby in.
Most often though there is no answer or why. It just is…

Your body feels broken. Month after month you are reminded that you are not having the child you long for.

Guilt comes in different shades from painful past choices, to food choices, or exercise too much or too little. Maybe guilt is colored in that it is your fault your spouse isn’t having the children he or she desperately wants. The guilt lingers and toys with you. What ifs haunt you just like the child you love, but do not even know yet.

Justice. It isn’t fair. So many babies are abandoned or aborted. When will it be my turn? Will it ever be my turn? Why should I have to go through shots, artificial hormones, treatments that stretch my raw soul until it nearly snaps, when others have “accidental pregnancies?”

Grief. Miscarriages, tubal pregnancies, still-births. They scar and wound and heal slowly. Each hope dashed with another loss and with each loss part of your dream dies too.

Nobody understands. Friends try, but cannot understand the longing, dashed dreams, hope for a few weeks a month until the dream is dashed again. Your spouse doesn’t even completely understand. You both process the situation so differently that you wonder if you will ever have a normal relationship again.

Time seems to be against you. 35 years old is considered advanced maternal age. So few ticks of the clock left.

God is here and sometimes His presence hurts. He is able to open our wombs, but He may not. Ever. He is able to quench our longing, but He may not. His ways are not our ways and we have to learn to trust Him despite the grief, injustice, loneliness, and guilt. He walks this road with us, but we have to choose to let His presence comfort us.

Infertility is a struggle, a battle. There are no simple answers for any one person. Adoption is difficult. Treatments may not work or may not be God’s direction. Only God and the couple He is walking this road with knows which path is best.

Mostly we need prayer. Will you pray with me for the infertile?