More HCG is produced as foetus develops
Today was one of the hardest days I've went through so far in the past 9yrs of ttc. I awoke to really bad painful cramps then diarrhea later. All familiar symptoms of the dreaded PMS. Cramping has continued all day. Tonight it's been sharp kinda different than normal for me. I did a early pregnancy test that is suppose to show as low as 10hcg and it was negative. I know that does not mean too much could be too early but I have the worse feeling in my gut that this cycle is over. I know my friends keep telling me it's not over till AF shows up or the blood test on Monday is a BFN.
I've just lost hope. Imagine the worse day or the worse pain you've ever experienced and that is how I feel today about dealing year after year, month after month, day after day, with infertility. It's a pain that never goes away or gets better. It's always lingering in the back of your mind, brought up in casual conversations, just seeing parents with their children, part of my everyday life. I'm barren, I'm infertile, it's like I mine as well not be a real woman either.
I'm thankful my Mom came over and forced me to go for a fall drive in the marsh and get some apples. It helped to get my mind off things for a little bit but still was sad thinking if I had a child how I'd get to show them all this beauty.
Sometimes I wonder where God is, does he hear, can he not do anything due to the sin of this world even if he wanted to. It's hard to know and ya I get it just have faith but I need more info than that, I don't work with not knowing, I always am seeking answer.
I just pray the answer isn't no again!
Touching Prayer posted in one of my support groups today ...
Kinda how I feel below - It's me God are you there, are you listening?
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