(Celebrating 10yrs of Marriage - Character Sketch from Bristol Ren Faire)
It hasn't been a easy journey to conceive as right from the start 2002 I found out I had a cyst that had to be removed with surgery, that's when we began to talk to the obgyn Dr. about having a baby. He did testing and said I had insulin resistance and PCOS which will make it harder for us to conceive without help. I began charting my cycles and I grew frustrated with having my cycles vary every month. He prescribed clomid and told us to come back in 6 months if we saw no results.
Needless to say 6 months and nothing. Back at the obgyn Dr. he wanted me to do exploratory lapascopy surgery to look for endometriosis or tubal blockage. So back to surgery I went. He removed some scar tissue and he said I had one tube blocked. Time was slipping by, watching my friends have babies and families while I sat on the sideline silently grieving inside. 6 more months on clomid and still no results.
We felt defeated with no real answers on what to do next. In 2004 just before closing on our new home we where hit from behind while waiting behind a stalled car. A accident that changed our life and put on hold our dreams of a future family as we recovered from neck and back injuries. While doing acupuncture in 2007 we once again looking into fertility options taking herbal supplements and acupuncture treatments for almost 2 years. While it helped us to recover from our injuries it didn't result in any pregnancy.
All this time I felt alone in this journey, dealing with infertility was not something I shared with anyone other than my husband. IF seemed like a dirty word you just didn't talk about. I wasn't in the mood to hear just relax it will happen, or maybe it's God's will and you just got to except it. It was a private pain that felt like I was the only one going through it.
Fast forward almost 9yrs Oct. of 2010 after the recommendation of friends we went to see our first fertility Dr. We didn't know what to expect and where pleasantly surprised to be greeted with such a lovely clinic, a Dr. who spent over an hour just talking with us. We did a battery of new tests that confirmed the PCOS and insulin resistance but also showed while doing a HSG that both my tubes where open (where the obgyn had said one was closed) and that I had been born with a accurate uterus defect. My egg counts where good for someone of my age (37 now) and my husbands sperm was above excellent. With those results it was on to surgery once again for me to correct my uterus.
After recovery the Dr. put me on clomid 200mg but this time we monitored it with a ultrasound to see if any follicles where created on it. Nothing happened so we upped it to 250mg and still nothing. I was happy that we where able to tell this drug did not work for me but frustrated at the same time that I wasted money and time on this medication in the past. It seems Dr.'s hand out clomid like candy without monitoring it. Like they just want us to go away feeling empowered cause we got a pill to take to fix the problem.
After clomid we went on to Femara 2.5mg this did the trick with one good size egg, so we triggered with Ovidrel and went in for our first IUI. The 2ww began and I was so hopeful this would work it had to but it didn't. We went on to try 4 more IUI's all BFN. Dr. didn't have any answers as to why as I was getting good looking eggs, sperm count was great. We did a sonogram to make sure no scar tissue formed from surgery and all was well. So he recommended we consider doing IVF/ICSI.
I began to research out our insurance coverage and found out we had coverage to move on to IVF. I was hesitant to go that route knowing it would require much more time, meds. We spent time talking it over and decided with much prayer to proceed. So here we are married 10yrs this Sept. parents of two fuzzy cats and two ferrets about to embark on a new journey to create a baby of our own. A little of me a little of him. It's scary, it's emotional and it's the hardest thing I have faced, but what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger.
Through opening up about IF this past year I have met some wonderful ladies all facing the same thing and been able to find support and hope again.
A friend of mine said to me they say woman who have a baby can do anything so if we have to go through all these struggles just to get pregnant then have our baby what kind of a strong woman does that make us.
So here's to hoping...believing and prayerfully waiting for our blessing!
No comments:
Post a Comment