Going Forward ...

 

It's been a devastating few days, going through this again has been so much more emotionally taxing than ever before. Maybe cause this was the last fresh cycle we could afford to do. If it was not for the 7 frozen potential babies we have we would give up and move on to looking at foster adoption. But I can't bear the thought of giving our embryo's away and someone else having our baby that is really not ours then. I need to find out what else is wrong with me answers to why my body is still not working right. 

I did some research and asked around and found this Dr. Kwak-Kim. From what I understand (If you have an immunological disease blocking pregnancy) there is only about twelve doctors who study reproductive immunology in the U.S she is one of them and even studied with Dr. Beers who wrote the book I have been reading "Is your body baby friendly". Maybe she can help us get answers and a chance for a FET to work. 

I spent yesterday looking up testimonials on her work and she has helped many who have had repeated failed preg to get preg and stay preg. There is tests I have not done yet from blood clotting disorders to NK killer cells. I decided to call her clinic and find out some information. The receptionist was so nice and informative. What I do is fill out about 12 pages of new patient forms, then I send that along with all my medical records (get my Dr. to fax it to her), copy of my insurance card to her clinic in the Chicago area. She will then review all my records and info I send her and we set up a phone consultation (which runs $100 to $300). During that she will tell me what other tests I should do, what she sees might be the problem etc. Most of what she does is all through the phone, you usually don't have to travel to Chicago unless you want to for an exam. She will work with my existing RE to get any testing done and come up with a new protocol of meds etc. for a future FET. I am excited about this as I think she maybe able to lend her knowledge to my case in ways my RE cannot.  

Link to some info on Reproductive Immunology

Link to a Testimonial on Dr. Kwak-Kim 
This one I find interesting as I know I have a increase in inflammation in my body and this is what Dr. Kwak-Kim told her which makes me wonder if this is what is happening to me.

1) There is a significant amount of inflammation in my body, and specifically in my uterine cavity during the time of implantation. A little bit of inflammation is normal for implantation to occur, but too much leads to our other problem (see # 2).

2) When my uterus becomes inflamed, my body produces blood clots on my uterine wall making it even more difficult for implantation...creating a harsh environment for a fragile embryo (these, blood clots, are what we saw on the 3D ultrasound at Dr. Kwak-Kim's office which was mistaken at the time for cysts or fibroids.)

3) Blood clotting takes away from a nice and steady blood flow at the implantation site (zone 3) of the uterus for the embryo. Nice, free flowing blood channels around the developing placenta are never achieved leading to constant infertility or chemical pregnancies and early miscarriages.

My RE also recommended Mary Stephenson, an Ob-Gyn at the University of Chicago who is suppose to be the THE world expert in recurrent miscarriage. I may look into her too.


Now the hard part is coming up with the finances to do further testing, consult with her, and do a FET. With our insurance change this year we now have to come up with at least $3k before they will pay anything. We started a new HSA for 2012 so that is a start on that amount. My goal is to have a yard sale as soon as weather is nice, find a antique dealer to buy some of the collectables I have inherited, and just find ways to make and save as much as we can. Hoping we get a little more back from our taxes since we had so much medical we can write off. 


Our prayer request going forward is that we can find a way to come up with the funds for this specialist and one more try. That God will heal the hurt of losing another little life and through the knowledge he has given Dr.'s they will be able to find out the last missing piece of this puzzle of what is preventing our babies from staying and growing. That one day we will be blessed with a child.

*If you so feel led to help us on our journey please consider making a donation above on our page with paypal/credit card. Even a $1 or $5 will go a long way in meeting our fundraising goals. Thank You!!

2 Corinthians 1 3-4 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Devotion:

What do you see when you stare into your own mirror? Do you see yourself as God sees you, or do you see only a life impacted by infertility? If there was ever anyone who did not see himself as God did, it had to be Moses.

If you could stare deeply into Moses’ mirror, what do you think you’d see?

Moses must have seen a person forgotten by God. God’s hand was heavily on him in the beginning. God’s protection was evident as Moses was adopted into the royal family, rather than being slaughtered as other Jewish boys. Raised in luxury, he surely felt he had a charmed life, but one wrong decision changed it all. Moses murdered an Egyptian and was forced into hiding. He had moved from the palace to the backside of the desert. He lived a seemingly meaningless life for 40 years, and never heard from God until a burning bush broke the silence. The royal life he once enjoyed had been replaced by bleating sheep and burning desert sand. Surely there were times when he thought back to the servants he once pitied. After all, he had been more blessed than they. Now he would gladly trade places with them to find himself in the luxuries of the palace rather than the harsh realities of his existence.

Look into your own mirror. Do you see a woman forgotten by God? You know that God was once involved with your life. His hand was evident in leading you to your spouse, your career. You found favor everywhere you went, and you knew you had the charmed life. Then one diagnosis changed it all. Perhaps you’ve moved from the carefree life of a blushing bride, to the backside of the desert of infertility. You think back to all the people you once secretly pitied for not having a life as blessed as your own. Amazingly, you now wish you could have the luxury of their lives as parents, rather than living the harsh reality of your own existence.

Moses must have seen a life scarred by wasted chances, incompetencies and excuses.

God saw the deliverer of Israel.

In Moses’ desert experience, God spoke and the future changed. Remember that it was a lonely, despised shepherd who God chose to deliver Israel, not the the pampered son of a Pharaoh. God brought Moses to the desert to teach him things he could never have learned in the palaces of royalty.

Who knows what God is doing in your desert! Moses must have surely seen his desert days as worthless, wasted time. God saw it as a training ground for the deliverer of Israel. There must be days when you see your days in the desert of infertility as worthless, wasted time. Perhaps God sees it as your training ground. You are creating your testimony! Somewhere today is a young woman who doesn’t even yet realize that infertility will become the central focus of her world. Perhaps she is a teenager who hasn’t even graduated high school yet. Maybe she’ll have her first date with her husband this weekend. Maybe she doesn’t even realize that someone like her could face infertility--like you. Maybe you’re the one who will wrap your arms around her and tell her that she really can survive infertility. The days and months when it seems nothing is happening could be God’s way of preparing you to lead another woman through her own desert of infertility.

“But, who am I to help anyone else! I am hardly surviving on my own! Can’t God send someone else?”

Has anyone ever told you you have an uncanny resemblance to Moses?

Exodus 3:11-12 says

But Moses said to God, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the sons of Israel out of Egypt?”

And He said “Certainly I will be with you,...”

Just as God was with Moses in the loneliness of the desert, and just as God led him as he delivered the children of Israel from Pharaoh’s hand, God will be with you. With you in the loneliness of a quiet nursery, and with you as you stand one day, leading another woman from the hurt of infertility’s hand. And God with you is enough.