Another Day in the Neighborhood

Just a brief look at one of my days. The stuff we have to go to just to have a baby. I wonder sometimes if I am crazy to do this all. 9yrs of this and I am getting tired of the run around. Life is always some kind of stress or another. I know though in the end when we have our child in our arms all this work to overcome this disease will be worth it.

This Morning: Pricing out the cost of the RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss) blood panel today. Also have to find out if the immunologic and thrombophia testing is included in that panel or separate. Waiting on a call back from our clinic's billing. Still pissed off that I asked to do this testing last year and had insurance approval they would of even paid it all and now cause they did not do it (they didn't think I needed to after only one mc, now they say I should do it, go figure) and it's a new year I have to pay for the tests. Hopefully they are less than what I have saved so far, if they are more than $1,000 to do I am going to be even more mad. I need them done to send to Dr. Kwak-Kim...I hope she has answers for me. Next on my list today is to fight insurance to cover phone consultations for Dr. Kwak-Kim. Now that will be fun. *sigh*

After getting off the phone with insurance company after being on hold forever and wasting most of my morning: I can say I really HATE insurance companies!! Why in the world will they not cover phone consultations if there is no reproductive immunologist in my area and the only one's are in another state you would think they could per-certify something like that. But no I got to go there in person in order for it to be covered. Makes no sense, it's cheaper for a phone consult, it's more for in person so you would think the insurance would want to save money. They also told me I can't use my HSA on phone consults with her cause it has to be a approved medical thing and phone consults are not. How wonderful so now I can't even use the money we where saving in there on this. Guess it's a trip to Ill for us cause if we go in person they consider it a covered thing, so even if we have to pay for it till we reach our deductible at least I can use our HSA money towards it. Did look up Dr. Kwak-Kim's location and she is only around 2 1/2 to 3hrs away from us. So not as bad of a drive as I thought but still going to be a long day and DH will have to take off of work to go. 

Still waiting for Re clinic billing to call me back, wonder if they will even get to me today?

This Afternoon: Feel like a nap as I am still fighting off a cold but don't want to miss the clinics call if they actually call me back today. Watched the video clip with FOX news anchor Alisyn Camerota's experience with fertility struggles and how support groups helped her. I am thankful for the group I am part of it has helped me get through this all. It was sad watching how she said she had to keep her infertility secret. I hate that we think we need to be ashamed of dealing with IF. It's been hard to start talking about it lost a lot of friends and been told many hurtful things but it's the right thing to do. I don't want to live in secret shame anymore. This is my life, this is my struggle, this is what I deal with day in and day out. Either love me and accept me, and support me or go away. It's time more talked about their struggles. Came out of the closet so to speak.

Looking up Detox programs to work on losing more weight. Lost 16lbs since last fall would like to lose another 10-15lbs before our FET. Figure doing another Detox may kick start losing more weight again and get rid of any leftover medication in my system. 

Later Afternoon: SCREAMS!!!! Got off the phone with the billing for our clinic. I feel like the billing lady doesn't really know what she is doing or has time to talk felt so rushed. Told we have claims rejected by our insurance and we owe all this money. WHAT!! On the phone right now with our insurance only to find out that the clinic sent our insurance a fax that said they sent this bill in error so my insurance re-adjusted the bill took that item off based on this fax they sent them. But it was something they cover and pay for. Now I am on hold while my insurance calls the clinic to try to get this claim fixed so I don't have to pay for it. Also found out the RPL panel if I do all the tests will be $2,000. REALLY!!! Just worked up the nerve to send a e-mail to my Dr. telling him how upset I was that I asked to do the RPL last year when my insurance would of paid for it in full and they goofed up didn't do it cause I started stimming, now I got to pay for it in full and am upset over it. My Dr. had told me to ask the billing lady for a list of all the tests in the RPL panel and when I did she did not have it. I wanted to know what testing they could do and codes for each one to check with our insurance to see what they would pay, we have a discounted rate with them till we meet the deductible. That would help me plan out what I need to pay so I can do the tests. So I still have no answers. She kept saying it depends on what tests the Dr. orders. The Dr. didn't tell me what tests I should do so how do I know. I should probably do them all so why can't you tell me what those tests are the names of them and codes. I feel like I am losing my mind talking to these people. 

Not only do I have to deal with the pain of infertility but I deal with crazy things like billing, insurance, how much will it all cost, how do I save for it, it never ends.

I want to keep battling on. I don't want our 7 embryo's to go to waste, I really wanted another shot. I never thought we'd be at this point of struggling again to figure out how to afford it. I don't think I can just give up and donate my embryo's, that would really hurt. Ya we could think about adoption again but that isn't any cheaper and still no guarantees. So here I sit fighting again for this dream of becoming a Mom of being a family. Others take it for granted, it just happens, they complain about it how they never wanted this child, that being pregnant sucks, or they neglect their kids once they are here. Why is it those of us who crave being a parent can't be one? That day in and day out we struggle for it to happen. People wonder why I get down, why not every day is some kind of happy, cause life is one big mud pit and I can't seem to get out of it, I keep plowing on though, one mucky stuck footstep at a time trying to reach the goal.

Devotional Thoughts of the Day: Was thinking about this quote today...been feeling like all my dreams have been taken away but reading this again gave me hope that God still has something for me, better than what I could dream of. ‎"God not only walks with us through hard times..He turns them into stepping stones that take us places we never could have gone without them."