Nov 12th - one year of loss

Today has been a difficult day. One year ago we found out baby H or Uriel as I named him/her had no heartbeat and didn't grow past 6wks. It was one of the saddest days of my life and one year later it has not gotten any easier. My dh says we can't live in the past but for me I won't ever forget the life that was and could of been and continue to pray my arms won't remain empty forever. 

It's made even harder as I had really thought by now we would of been pregnant again. Never would of imagined we would still be trying and looking at doing IVF again. All I have of Uriel is a one ultrasound pic and bfp hpt to show he/she even existent. I do wonder if someday in heaven I will see the children we lost if they will all be there so I can meet them and get to know who they where suppose to be. 

"When you lose a parent you lose your past. When you lose a spouse you lose your present. When you lose a child you lose your future. When we lost our child. We lost the child, we lost all the hopes and dreams we had for that child. We live with the would of, could of. We long for, miss and love our child as long as we take breath."