IVF Cycle Two - Beta Blood Test Results - BFN

BFN on my cycle#2. I think I must know my body pretty good as last few days before the blood test I kinda knew it was going to be that. I tried to maintain the hope it would not be but I did not have the extremely sore bb's like I did on cycle#1 so that gave me a big indicator that nothing happened. It is hard to know how to feel, I gave it all I could this last time.

Waiting for AF to show up in full force, so far it is teasing me with bad cramping and a little spotting. Need it to be bright red blood then the plan is to call the clinic to go in the next day (day 2 of cycle) for a u/s blood, talk about if there is time before Dec. 31st to do another fresh cycle as our insurance changes next year. Otherwise we will do a FET with our two frozen one's.

DH and I talked then if none of those two work then we may try embryo adoption but there is such a waiting list at our clinic it maybe better to look at foster adoption. I don't know if we would be eligible, I've heard so many stories of how hard it is to do so. I guess we will cross that bridge if we get to it.

I've learned in this life you just got to take it one day at a time. If I look to the future to far in advance it only overwhelms me and stresses me, brings me worry. God tells us not to worry but to trust in him for he has a plan for our good. If nothing else I know he has used me along this journey to bless other ttc ladies, ladies I never would of met had I had not struggled with infertility. I understand a pain that most do not now.

Prayer Request: That AF would show up in the next day or two. Our Dr. follow up visit will go well, maybe have some answers, a better plan or different meds we can try. That we get a chance to do cycle#3 before our insurance changes, that we have time to get it all in by Dec. 31st. Most important that God continues to give us strength and will bless us someday with a child.

 

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher

"You can never quit. Winners never quit, and quitters never win." - Ted Turner

“True strength is keeping everything together when everyone expects you to fall apart.”—Unknown

Lord, I need my spirit refreshed and renewed today. Speak to me through Your Word that I might hear Your heart, and help me to share my heart with You in prayer. Amen. -Acts 3:19- 

I will let Christ put my broken pieces together today.
I do not need to fear anyone or anything.
I will refuse to let anxiety rule over me.
I will let Christ control my life.
I will trust Christ completely.
I am unconditionally loved.
I will let my worries go. Thank you LORD.

IVF Cycle Two - 7 and 8DP5DT

Watching Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer classic on TV tonight. Was thinking while watching it that I feel like Rudolph - that when everyone found out about us dealing with IF many deserted us as friends, you feel like a outcast, would be nice to fit in and find purpose, happy ending. You do begin to feel like a misfit at times, not fitting in with those of your age who have children, too old to fit in with the younger crowd. You don't want to talk about your pain with most for fear of what response you may get. It's hard to go out in public some days, even the site of babies and happy families can make you break down in tears. 

I had always thought I was alone in my feelings till meeting ladies all over the world in FB support groups. If I didn't have them to talk to I think I would go crazy through this journey. I pray for them all daily and am excited that I was able to put together and host a Christmas Gift Exchange of which 58 ladies participated in. I spent yesterday drawing names and sending off messages to each lady who their partner is. It is giving us the opportunity to make a new friend, and send a blessing to each other in this difficult holiday time.

I am also currently thinking and working on a idea to make up a IF silicone bracelet that would be available for sale. The front would have "Hoping Believing Waiting" on it and the back "Baby Dust" or "Baby Dust ~ Ps. 113:9". Still stuck on color choices. Was thinking of doing a marble of black, silver and white but some of the ladies said that maybe blue/pink marble would be better or I know pomegranate red is another infertility color. I am looking for suggestions so if your reading this and want to comment below that be great.

One more day of waiting then beta test on Thurs. at 11 am. Please keep praying for us. The nurse called me today to check on me she is so nice to me. I told her that so far no bad cramping or bleeding like last cycle so I am praying that is a good sign all is ok and at least one of them is sticking and growing. We need a strong beta number in the hundreds to indicate a healthy pregnancy if this worked.

Mark 9:23........ "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.

Last Cycle 7
Last Cycle 8

IVF Cycle Two - 5 and 6DP5DT

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8

It's been a rough two days of waiting. Yesterday I couldn't hold it in and let myself cry for awhile. I want to be a mom with every fiber of my being it hurts so much and is so hard to understand why it is so easy for others and then for us it has not happened yet. I don't know if this time worked for us, the good news is no bad cramps and bleeding on day 6 like last cycle, but other than a few nauseous spells this week, headache and a couple stomach twinges no real signs.  I don't really want to to a poas test I'm just too scared to find out the results, I may try one morning of our blood test. For now I am trying to get our home pretty for Christmas, praying and focusing on positive results.

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU (BABY) :)

LAST CYCLE 5
LAST CYCLE 6