POEM - Patiently waiting

Patiently waiting

Baby I love you though God has not yet given you to me,
I have spent my whole life learning patience and that is now what I am trying to be
I love you though we have not met, and though you are not yet real;
Some how you are in every thought, and love is all I feel
You're a dream I didn't know I had, a prayer I didn't know I would pray;
A song that I would sing to you, if only you would stay.
We want you in our life to share a love that is so strong;
And we will continue to wait for you-it does not matter how long
We believe God's perfect plan so you will come when the time is right;
And though you are not real yet, you are already Mommy's delight
I want to hold you in my arms and teach you to be great;
I want you to be our legacy, our destiny, our fate
Your Daddy and I love you and we can't wait for the day;
When we kiss you gently and you will not go away.
We have a wonderful marriage, maybe this hardship is our test;
But holding hands together, we continue to pray for the best.
That you will grace our lives with greatness and make us family;
So the love that is too much for two can soon be shared by three.

From the book  "Every drunken cheerleader...why not me?"

We give a HOOT about Infertility Awareness

Infertility Awareness Week is coming up on Sunday. It's a week to take time to really talk about what the disease of infertility means to so many of us going through it. I've had many things in life that I have gone through but this is by far the most difficult. It doesn't end, it consumes years of your life, there is no guarantee of a cure or happy ending. Many of us go on to have multiple mc or difficult pregnancies. The hardest part of it all is lack of support from family, friends, and even insurance companies who refuse to even consider coverage for testing and procedures that may cure infertility. 

One might say why not adopt. Adoption is not for everyone. What others don't understand is that some may have things from there past that prevent it, or unable to save the $20,000 to $40,000 in costs involved with adoption, or fear the emotional toll of going though it all only to have a birth mother change there mind or have a child with bonding and emotional difficulties. Also, adoption while wonderful when it works out, does not dismiss the fact that Infertility still exists and needs to be addressed. It's a growing issue that 1 in 8 couples deal with probably someone you know. Many of us remain silent due to the condemnation most of us receive.

I don't think it's too much to ask that everyone have the right to at least be given the chance to get help in having there own bio child. Many countries allow couples at least 1 free try at IVF. Why not here? So many other diseases are covered and it's about time infertility is one of them. If others can fight for equal rights for all then how about us Infertiles too!

For me infertility is part of my life, many friends have told me they don't want to hear about it, or we have been judged we are going against God, but unless you have walked in my shoes you have no idea what it is like to fight this battle everyday, the struggle, the heartache, the cost.

Infertility will remain part of who I am whether we get a happy ending or not it will always remain with me and part of me. God has used it as part of my journey to allow me to meet and reach out to some wonderful woman I call friends and mold me to be a stronger person. Prayerfully we will also go on to have victory over this disease with a child. I still continue to cling to Psalms 113:9 and believe in the Lord's promises. It's my wish this IF week that my story will bring others Hope and that they know are not alone.

For IF week I made up these owls for my HBW page just to remind people that it's time we ALL give a hoot about infertility cause there can be HOPE in Overcoming Obstacles while Ttc.

Take some time to reach out to someone dealing with the pain of infertility this week and really let them know you care! 

 

May 3rd return visit to Dr. Kwak-Kim

Talked with my RE today YAY! he called and he said he has my FET plan and will fax it to Dr. Kwak-Kim, he also said if I need to do Intraplids cause IVIg is too costly then he can help me with a Dr. to do that with. (for those not sure what that is I tested pos for some NK Cells and inflammation which can cause implantation failure or early mc and the Intraplids or IVIg is suppose to help lower that in your body and prevent this from happening)

I called Dr. K and got a follow up apt. for Friday May 3rd at 1pm (fx Scott will get that day off) to go over what she wants to add to the plan, teach me about lovenax shots, and any blood work. So another trip down to IL for us. After that I will go to the RE talk about it all and see about getting the ball rolling.

Still waiting on my second thyroid test results so hopefully those will be good. Nurse said she just got them and will update me with any results soon.

Getting excited!! :)

 

YAY some good news for once.
Thyroid testing from 4/11/13
TSH 1.31
FT3 3.59
FT4 1.40
Dr. K has my FET plan and now that thyroid is under 2.0 everything is set for my May 3rd trip to see her in IL. Now I need to go get some DHEA 25mg (my DHEA was low) and start on that this week as she wanted me on that a few weeks before FET happened but wasn't going to start till thyroid was good. Also a cholesterol check got to go do that in the next few days. BP has been really good except for today went up a little so I have another check on that next Thurs. Seems like finally some things are coming together.

 

4/11

It's been a long month - between working on my thyroid levels (had second blood test yesterday) and my bp getting the right dosage to keep it in check and continuing to lose weight and being patience the whole time was not easy. Today I met with my family Dr. and my bp was perfect 118/80 I was down to 196 over 25lbs weight loss from last year. He is going to check my cholesterol yet and I got a few new tests for my asthma going on this month with my pulmonary Dr. But I think we are ready to go see the RE for our FET consult and set up our return visit to Chicago as soon as my thyroid is where it needs to be which I will find out the results of the latest test next week. Waiting is so hard but makings sure my health and all issues are the best they need to be will be worth it in the end. Thanks for everyone's continued prayers and support.

Update

Got my thyroid results they are going down YAY! Although I could tell they where as my hair is not falling out or breaking off. Still needs to be under 2.0 yet.

Bloodwork results from 3/27 are as follows... TSH 3.14 (ideal range less than 2) Free T4 1.36 (0.76 - 1.46) - okay Free T3 3.99 (2.18 - 3.98) - slightly elevated. The TSH is closer to the ideal range. Please continue on current dose of 25mcg. Recheck thyroid function in 2 weeks from last draw (around 4/10).

 Still working on my blood pressure though they had to up the medication last week and I go tomorrow for another check. Not looking forward to going and if they have to up the meds I get so sick from them at first. 

Just talking it one day at a time, exercising more, eating right, using myfitnesspal.com to count calories and lose a few more pounds yet. Can't go forward till these things are under control but the waiting is so hard right now. 

 

 

Apt. obgyn

Got a apt tomorrow with a obgyn. My family Dr. didn't want to deal with my blood pressure said I should go see someone who knew more what I should be on while ttc. So I got a apt with one, sent them my records from the RI all the testing I just had done so they also know what I am dealing with for the future. Hoping they will be able to put me on something else safe to take and get my number lower last check it was 150/100 even on meds.

On the good note the thyroid meds seem to be making me feel better today was 1 week on them now. Next week I do my first blood draw to see if they are lowering my levels back down. Still waiting for my Metanx to come in the mail hoping that will be soon. One step at a time maybe by end of April we will be on the way to doing a FET. Just trying to be patient in the meantime lose more weight and let these new meds get things to work better.

 

UPDATE 3/19: My apt. with the obgyn went well today. Explained my whole ttc journey in a few sentences lol - She feels she can help me monitor my health and even into pregnancy she said I can always transfer if they decide I am more higher risk than they can handle. We went over what is currently wrong with me took note of the clotting issues. My bp is way HIGH we took it with 3 different bp cuffs the lowest one was 148/106 the highest was 220/108 so defiantly have a issue. She put me on Nifedical xl 30mg and I have to go back next wed. to check my bp and if still not lower we will up the dosage till we get it back to normal. Pharmacy said if can cause headaches and dizziness at first so I am taking it at night. Glad I went in as it was dangerous high. Also talked about weight loss as they do have a program there but insurance won't cover any of it so that was a bummer, she said in 3 months it help me drop at least another 20 if I followed it but the cost is not something I can see doing right now. Going to just keep on the track I am on be more strict I got the readers digest 30 day diet and going to do that, up the exercise. I feel a ton better on my thyroid medication too so things are coming along.

 UPDATE 3/27: Blood pressure still not in check was 145/101 not much better from the week before. So they doubled my bp meds. I was not happy about it as it made me really sick for the rest of the week while I adjusted to the higher dosage. Praying next week it's better. 

Current Fundraiser

If you wish to support us in our journey we still have our magazine/cookie dough fundraiser 40% goes to our medical fund. We also have a paypal donation site and of course my jewelry page HBW. The cost of travel, testing and procedures has been adding up quickly.

Thank you everyone for your support and prayers, it means so much to us to have another chance to become parents. I can not begin to explain what we have gone through for the past 10yrs the pain the struggle to just have what other couples do. With this new Dr. and results of testing we have a little hope back that we know what is wrong and with medications special treatment during a cycle we can finally have a good chance at our dream. Please keep us in prayer.




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