Anv of First IVF and Mc

Feeling very hormonal today almost angry and sad and bitter all wrapped into one. Two years ago we where gearing up for our first IVF transfer that happened on the 29th our 10th anniversary - we where so sure it would work that this was finally it. Well it did but ended in mc and so much pain - when I think about it and read my blog it's hard to imagine it was that long ago. I think about how we could of had a child now running around. I get mad at the Dr. for never testing me back them for all the issues we found this year - I wonder if they had treated me what would of happened. This journey of 11 yrs now is starting to get to me I don't feel strong anymore to keep fighting - I feel sad and defeated -it's hard to keep up the faith and hold on to any hope. We are coming down to what could be our last attempt with this FET. There is no guarantees we will have funds or insurance to help next year. My dh and I have always said we will go till we can go no more. That time maybe soon. I am unsure how we will live as a childless couple it pains me deeply to even think about it. All I've ever wanted was to be a mom to have the privilege of raising and teaching a child. So many hopes and dreams are in this FET coming up, so many years of tears or prayers crying out to God to please bless us. I don't know what will happen I just pray it is something good this time around. I'm still patiently waiting for AF to show up so we can get things rolling. Dealing with infertility has been the hardest struggle of my life. Today I remember my angel babies and take some time to think about what they would of been like if they where here with us today. Then I push the pain aside and keep going on so I can make it through another day. 

 

"I have a disease. My friends don’t understand how serious it really is. Nobody gets it. Not even my family. Everyday feels like a war. But I fight it. I fight it everyday. Hoping that one day I’ll miraculously be cured."