Tuesday

Last week Friday I went to our clinic and got a two shots in the butt. Two shots that brought me to tears realizing it was over. All my happiness and dreams of the past few weeks gone. Sat. morning I did more meds and the mc began. Sunday night I got to see our little cocoon about the size of a large grape come out and say good bye. My heart is crushed by this mc more so than any of the others before. This time we had hope, we got to see him on the screen, got to feel excited. I keep asking God why we really thought this was our miracle.

This week Thurs. is Thanksgiving I keep trying to find things each day to still be thankful for even if they are simple just to keep my mind in a good place and my spirits uplifted. I've started to put together a memory box of the few things we had from this pregnancy and gave baby H a name. It's good to grieve to let it out. I am thankful for the few weeks we had and all the many words of love that have come my way. I pray this mc will be over soon so I can heal physically and emotionally.

I've already started more research into the testing I want to do. I still feel there is something that was missed. I keep thinking if only they would of listened to me last year and done this testing I asked for when my insurance was going to pay for it in full. Right now I found a lab I can do the karotyping for both of us and the RPL panel for a little over $1200. Still a chunk of money to save just for some tests, I so hope doing them will give us answers. I need answers!!

Verse that has helped today:
I am not complaining about having too little. I have learned to be satisfied with whatever I have. I know what it is to be poor or to have plenty, and I have lived under all kinds of conditions. I know what it means to be full or to be hungry, to have too much or too little. Christ gives me the strength to face anything. — Philippians 4:11-13 (CEV)