1yr Anv of First Transfer

It's a happy day in that we get to celebrate our 11th anv but also a sad day remembering 1yr ago we did our first IVF transfer on our 10th anv so hopeful and excited only to end in a early mc a few weeks later.

Christmas is going to be even harder I think as we did our 3rd transfer that day. The second one I don't think about too much as it was a bfn it's the other two that hit home knowing they worked but we mc. I wish they had fallen on different days so I don't have to think about this now. 

Still hoping to have a good anv going to take a drive then do dinner. I don't want to be grumpy again today but it's kinda hard not to be and not to think about they baby I should be holding in my arms right now. 

I know our family doesn't get the pain we feel that makes it even harder. I try to be strong but it's getting harder and harder to hold on. Most days I don't ever see us being parents and the pain of it cuts deep. I am  happy for my fellow IF sisters who go on to get bfp's and have beautiful families and I love being there for their support, I just wish God would also bless us so that when I keep telling them to hold on that God will keep his promises I can feel it is true. 

A Year Ago

Thurs. Sept. 8th 2011, my box of IVF medications arrived for cycle 1. Can't believe it's been almost a year. On our 10th anniversary we transferred, got preg, then mc a few weeks later. Now we will be celebrating our 11th anniversary end of Sept. and still no child to love and fill our home with joy. 

 

I wonder if it will ever happen for us??

 

Still working on our goal of saving $6500 by 2013 so we can see the RI specialist and do a FET.  So far we have been able to save $3000 of that. Still have a ways to go to reach our goal.

 

Does anyone else freak about ttc and mc? I never thought about mc before only about actually getting pregnant but now I fear I will mc like we did again and that is making me so scared as 2013 comes closer to even think about doing a FET.  All I can do is hope Dr. Kwack-Kim will have the answers we need when I get to see her.

Trusting God has a plan and doing my best to keep on this journey he set us upon so many years ago. Praying one day it will be our turn. 

Thankfully I had this year to be able to be with my mom as she went through Breast Cancer. She is all free of cancer and recently returned to work. We had a good time together working on a generation scrapbook while she stayed with us during radiation treatment. I am glad for God's healing and hope that next year we can finally make her a grandma. 

We also adopted a Bengal kitten, nothing we had planned, but he just happened to come into needing us due to some medical issues and we where able to give him a home. He's a sweet little guy and has brought me some joy when I needed it most. 

 

Thank you everyone for your continued prayers and support of our journey.